Second Chance
by LoveWithoutLimits
Summary: Being in space, he felt closer to her then he ever had at home." Songfic, Jim perspective on his childhood/mother.


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Warnings : None

Disclaimer : I own nothing etc

AN1: Un'beta'd, will get it done when beta is back from holiday.

AN2: Done as part of a challenge me and my friend _DementedViper_, this song was Shinedown - Second Chance (love this song!)

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My eyes are open wide  
And by the way, I made it  
Through the day  
I watched the world outside  
By the way, I'm leaving out  
Today

When Jim was little, back when he lived on a small farm in Iowa, he used to climb up into the hay loft at the dead of night. He would climbs is way up the rungs and perch himself on the ledge of the open window that dominated the top side, feet dangling over the edge. You couldn't see much of the farm at night, all the lights of the house were long turned off., but that wasn't what he came up there to see. His little eyes would shine as they stared out into the distance, to the lights that showed the space dock that was located near them. It never failed to make his breath catch in his throat as he stared at it with wonder.

He knew what they built there, giant Starships that explored the universe seeking out new planets. His mother had explained to him long ago all about Starfleet and his Father. How his Father had died a hero on one of those things, she would tell him he was a great man who saved everyone, including them. His Stepfather would tell him his Father was an idiot who got himself blown u. He would tell him that Starfleet was a waste of time, a nuisance. He would tell him that he should spend less time with his head in the planets and more time on earth.

It didn't matter what the man said though, Jim knew from the first time he saw the ships what he wanted.

Jim still went up there when he was older, just less often when he was old enough to go out by himself. He would walk to the station, feet throbbing but it was worth it to get a close up on the beauties that were inside. It was around this time that Jim realised how much of a monster his Step dad was when words became not enough. Not when he worked out how much more fun pounding him could be. Of course his mother did anything to help, he guessed she was as scared as he was. The difference once, Jim knew he wasn't going to stay there forever like she was.

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Tell my mother,  
Tell my father  
I've done the best I can  
To make them realize  
_

He never said anything her before he left, back then it was too hard. He had just packed bag and he was gone. He never knew if she was angry at him for it, whether she was sad, he never though to ask even later. He never spoke to her again until the night Pike found him in a bar, until the night he decided he was going to do it. Years of trying to force himself to and it had only taken one man and a challenge to give him the push.

He had phoned her, going to see her would have been too hard. If she was surprised to hear him on the other end o the phone she didn't show it. He tried to ask how she was, ask how things had been, he really did, but it was hard. What do you say to the woman who let you be abused your whole life? What do you say to the woman that you left behind. She cried when he told her he enlisted, he wished he could of cried with her.

"Be careful."

That was the only advice she gave him. He didn't need to see her face to know she would be wearing the same look she got whenever she spoke about his dad. He wanted to tell her he wasn't like him, he would come back. He wanted to make her understand that he could do this, he could stay safe, that he would get his ship and she would see.

He barely managed to force out a goodbye.

_This is my life  
I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...  
Sometimes goodbye  
Is a second chance  
_

He never blames his mother for what happened, for how she was, but he could never forgive her either. He never called her again and she never tried to contact him. He was never angry, there was never any point being angry over something he couldn't change.

It was funny that saying goodbye to her, was the second chance he needed, that they needed. Being in space, he felt closer to her then he ever had at home.

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Reviews?**


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